Telling your child two, three, even four times to do something she
doesn't want to do, such as get into the car or pick up her toys, sends
the message that it's okay to disregard you and that she--not you--is
running the show. Reminding your child again and again just trains her
to wait for the next reminder rather than to pay attention to you the
first time you tell her something.
Tuning you out is a power play, and if you allow the behavior to
continue, your child is likely to become defiant and controlling.
Instead of talking to your child from across the room, walk over to her
and tell her what she needs to do. Have her look at you when you're
speaking and respond by saying, "Okay, Mommy." Touching her shoulder,
saying her name, and turning off the TV can also help get her attention.
If she doesn't get moving, impose a consequence.
When 6-year-old
Jack Lepkowski, of Ossining, New York, started practicing "selective
hearing," his parents decided to take action. They told him that if they
had to ask him to do something more than once, such as come to dinner
or take a bath, he would get to watch only one video that day (his usual
allotment is two) or he'd miss a playdate that week. If they had to
remind him twice, he would lose two videos or two playdates. "I try not
to give in because otherwise his selective hearing will continue," says
his mother, Lydia. "This tactic seems to be working!"
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